Sunday, March 18, 2012

Has Your Past Ever Slapped You In The Face, And Made You Want To Change It?

Now I will be the first to admit that my grandmother and I have never had the best relationship throughout my life, but today I told her I loved her for the first time in quite a few years....and I meant it. Now I'm not going to go into detail about why our relationship has been strained my whole life (for those who know me, you already know.) I do want to say this though, it may not have been what I wished to have gone through, or want to wish upon anyone else, but it has made me who I am today. For a few years now she has had Alzheimer's, and I never really knew what the disease did to a person, other than taking away their mind. That in it's self is horrible, but today I saw the whole picture, and it broke my heart. She can not do anything for herself anymore. This woman who planted a garden every year, had one of the best looking houses and yards around, couldn't even feed herself let alone speak a word. So when my mother and father began to feed, and talk to her I had these strange feelings come over me. One was sadness. I was sad because I never really got to know this woman whom I call my Nannie, and now I will never get to. The other was regret. I regretted that for almost 31 years now I have held onto a grudge that has has really broken me down mentally, and spiritually. So of course I began to shed a few tears there in her room, trying to hide it from my momma and daddy (not sure if it worked) Before I left she opened her eyes and I told her I loved her, and like I said...I meant it. She just stared at me and I saw what looked like a tear in the corner of her eye, I hope she understood me..My mom is going through the same thing with her mom right now too, her mom is the one I call Memaw. I hate to see what the future beholds for both of these beautiful women who has had a hand in creating me, but I know who holds the future and that is the only thing that brings me comfort. So like I have said before, make sure to tell the ones you love that you love them because you never know what the future holds...


No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you all for all of your sweet messages! I love reading them, so keep them coming!